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Some “to Do’s” & “to Do Not’s” on Popping that Question {proposals}

Frank Surprise proposal

With the addition of our Cinema line and my Be {Loved} US sessions and stories, we get to hear in detail so many proposal stories.  Some go perfectly to plan, while others, well…  Let’s just say that even with perfect planning and the best of intentions things can go awry.  The key message no matter what is that regardless of the perfection of execution, every moment of your proposal will be memorable.  I’ve put together a few do’s and do not’s based on the many, many interviews of our clients.  So if you are thinking of proposing or think you may be getting proposed to then read on and share =)  If you like, watch the Surprise proposal we filmed below for Frank & Athena.


Discussing the proposal?

  • sometimes you just know, you have that feeling that the topic of marriage doesn’t have to be discussed – you just know that if a proposal happened – he/she would say yes.  If that’s you, then go for it!
  • most of our clients say they have either casually or in depth talked about marriage.  Use these chats as clue gatherers so that when the time is right you have enough info to use to make it special.

Should it be a Surprise?

  • for realz???  Hell Yeah it should be a surprise!
  • keep in mind that not everyone likes to have a public surprise so use your best judgement based on each others personalities so that you know whether to do it in front of a million viewers, just family or in private.
  • FYI – if you know people will be around or photo/video will be taken then make sure to plan the surprise (without giving it away of course) to occur when he/she are dressed, not schweaty from exercising  etc…  Unless you are at the mud run or color me rad etc where everyone is a hot mess ;-)

What about the ring?

  • sometimes the hat you have to wear is that of a detective! Do some sleuthing, is there a style of ring that they are drawn to? Are there magazines or little hints thrown out while at jewelry stores? Pay attention.
  • many of our couples ring shop together.  The surprise becomes when it will happen.
  • it is forever right?  So, make it unique – many jewelers will help you design or custom make the perfect piece.

Stay in Character! Good Secrets vs. Bad Secrets

  • sometimes it is the behavior that spoils the surprise.  Try to stay in character.  Don’t deviate too much from things that will be out of the norm otherwise you risk the other feeling the opposite of happy about your weird behavior.
  • guy/girls…  If your guy or girl seems to be acting nervous or weird or out of character while you are on vacation, family function, special date night, planned event etc… Cut them some slack.  Be nice – don’t criticize their behavior.  You gotta trust me on this one!  Number one response from people with less than perfect proposal stories are that their partner was being a %$#@& and they had to rally in their heads to propose as planned.
  • most of us don’t like secrets kept from us.  But… there is usually only one circumstance that I am all for secrets and that is when it is for the greater good.  In this case – it’s great and good!

What you say IS important!!!

  • have a plan – you don’t have to script everything but have a plan – you both may not even remember what was said afterwards But… You will remember how you felt.
  • if you are nervous or think you won’t remember exactly then write it down, write it on your hand, up your arm, on cue cards, on your phone, ipad etc… Use a cake, a cupcake, smoke signals, hand gestures.  Be creative, be fun or be spontaneous but have a plan…  See above.

Talk to Parents or Key family members

  • I don’t really think this one needs to center on tradition or permission.  It’s more about respect and being a part of building and layering a great foundation for the relationship with your future family
  • they may even help you with your surprise

Should you propose on a major holiday or special date?

  • if the holiday or date is special to you then by all means do it but if you really want to make your proposal unique then don’t tag the proposal to a major holiday.
  • it can be easier to have all your family and friends around if you are planning to include them and sometimes holidays, birthdays etc make it convenient to make that happen so logistically these dates are popular
  • NEVER ever ever propose while you are a guest at someone else s’ special party or event and absolutely no proposals while attending someone’s wedding.  You never want to steal the shine or thunder from others,  That will indeed cost you many karma coins.

Make it Personal

  • some of the best stories that I have heard from my clients are the ones when there were uber personal touches. Whether these touches are creative, fun, romantic etc..  it’s so important to make it unique and true to who you are as a couple and what the other will love.
  • Pinterest and other sites are not necessarily your friend.  For sure, get some inspiration but replicating someone else’s idea or work will in time show that it wasn’t really special at all

Should you capture the proposal?

  • Yes, yes and yes!  You will most likely not remember the specifics of what was done or said because you are in the moment and that moment happens to be one that is super charged with emotion so you should totally plan to have the proposal documented.
  • whether you hire a professional or throw a camera at a stranger before you drop down on one knee, have someone document it!
  • keep in mind that this is the beginning of a new chapter in your storybook.  These are the stories you will share with your friends, family, children, grandchildren.  Our memories can only illustrate so much.  Imagine being able to whip out those photos or press play on that film decades later.  You become immortalized and you as well as your story will live on long after our time here is done.

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